All the Lonely People
by bevfan
Summary: Written for the VAMB Secret Santa 2015 exchange. Getting Voyager home will always be Kathryn Janeway's first priority.


Written for the VAMB 2015 Secret Santa exchange. For Elem, who wanted anything J/C. A huge thanks to PiOneOneZero for the beta read and encouragement!

Kathryn was curled up in her chair reading her book when she heard a faint scrabbling sound. She glanced up absently, didn't see anything out of the ordinary, and went back to her book putting the incident out of her mind. A day or two later she was hunting through her closet and picked up a uniform jacket that had fallen off its hanger. She shook it out and gasped in horror when she saw the hole that had been chewed through the sleeve. With great effort, she mastered the impulse to jump on her bed and scream for help. Instead, she slapped her comm badge and ordered Maintenance to her quarters at once.

As part of their reparations for the deliberate damage of the ship and the kidnapping of its crew, the Quarrans had given them food and energy stores. Unfortunately, some vermin had managed to sneak onboard with the food stores and Neelix was up in arms about the whole matter since it appeared that the creatures were particularly fond of leola root. There were many jokes circulating throughout the ship about the crew's good fortune in acquiring these vermin and she strongly suspected that the maintenance workers were dragging their feet about eradicating the pests. She hadn't cared enough to take any official interest in the matter, but now it was personal.

"Look at my jacket, Mr. Chell. It's been chewed up by those pests. I expect you to find these things and get rid of them at once. I'll be in my ready room. Contact me when you've caught them. Understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am," Chell squeaked. She glared at him for a moment to let him know she meant business, then marched out of her quarters with the jacket balled up in her hand. It made her skin crawl to think of those nasty little things scampering around her quarters. That must have been the noise she'd heard when reading the other night. She tossed the jacket into the replicator as soon as she entered her ready room and recycled it rather than trying to repair it. There was no way it would ever touch her skin again. She curled up on the couch with a stack of reports and tried to put the repellant subject out of her mind. Chell contacted her after she'd managed to work her way through several PADDs.

"Janeway here. Did you catch them?"

"Uh, well, I tried, but no."

"My orders were very clear, Crewman," she ground out.

"Yes, they were, but there aren't any to catch. I've run the sensors and scanned manually with a tricorder. There aren't currently any pests in your quarters, so I've set up some traps. I can show you where they are if you come back."

Kathryn reluctantly returned to her quarters and inspected the traps. Judging by their size, the pests had to be the size of large rats. She once more resisted the urge to jump on the furniture and took Chell's tricorder to run her own scan.

"You see, Captain, I've baited the traps with leola root. The creatures can't get enough of it. They'll run right in and the force field will activate and glow green. Just let me know when you've caught one and I'll dispose of it humanely."

"Very well, but I want you to crack down and empty the ship of them. This infestation has gone on long enough."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Chell rushed out the door and Kathryn was left alone with the traps. She shuddered and prepared for bed, carefully watching where she placed her feet. The traps remained empty for a day as Chell and his fellow workers stepped up their efforts throughout the ship, but on the second day Kathryn came home after her shift to discover that one of the traps was now occupied.

It was the trap near the replicator and Kathryn set her PADDs down on the table before cautiously approaching it. Rodents had disgusted her since she was a little girl. There was no traumatic reason for her disgust. The beady eyes, long hairless tails, the little claws and the propensity to spread disease and pestilence, not to mention leaving a trail of urine wherever they went were all reason enough to despise the creatures. Still, the explorer in her couldn't resist taking a look at the pest before she called Chell.

She bent down to take a peek, expecting to see a ratlike rodent trying to escape from the trap. Instead, she saw a fluffy and round creature with red fur cowering in a corner. The fur was very similar to her dog Molly's coat and Kathryn caught her breath. The piece of leola root Chell had used for bait was still lying in the trap with one bite taken out of it.

"Chakotay to Janeway. Are we still on for dinner?"

The creature trembled at Chakotay's voice and she felt pity for it, much to her surprise. She wanted to scan it with a tricorder, but it would have to wait until after dinner.

"I'm on my way. Janeway out."

Chakotay was setting the table when she arrived. He refused her offer of help, so she sat down and watched him bring the serving dishes to the table before joining her. They began eating in silence and Kathryn glanced at him, frustrated. A month had passed since Chakotay rescued the crew from Quarra and the entire incident still seemed to bother him. She supposed that they should talk about Quarra at some point, but she still hadn't come to terms with what had happened to her there and didn't feel emotionally stable enough to initiate the subject. Chakotay took a sip of water and looked at her.

"How's the great mouse hunt going? Any luck yet?"

"Actually, yes. I've got one in a trap right now."

"Oh, good. Do you want me to come and take care of it for you?"

"No, I'll do it myself. I want to take some scans of it first. I was expecting it to be similar to an Earth rat, but it looks like a kind of tribble with long fur."

"Hmm. That's interesting. Let's hope they're not as fertile as tribbles."

"It has red fur like Molly."

Kathryn sighed and stared at her plate.

"You still miss her, don't you?" Chakotay asked gently.

"Of course. She was always so happy when I came home and she followed me everywhere. She loved trying to sneak into bed with me. It used to drive Mark crazy."

Kathryn smiled, but Chakotay looked away from her, quiet once more. It was a relief when she returned to her quarters, where she could stop thinking about Chakotay's puzzling behavior. The little creature had eaten some of the leola root and was once again huddled in its corner.

"I'm just going to scan you and see what you are. I hope you only look like a tribble. Maybe you're part Irish setter. Ah, here we go. You're a rodent all right, but you're fairly similar to a guinea pig. A big round guinea pig with beautiful fur. Guinea pigs aren't found in the wild, you know. Did your ancestors start out as pets? I wonder if you're even indigenous to Quarra. Maybe someone else who was kidnapped brought your kind to Quarra."

The guinea pig trembled in its corner and Kathryn remained on her knees, thinking. If Chakotay hadn't come back for her, she would still be on Quarra and blissfully happy with Jaffen. Maybe they would have tried to have a family and there would have been generations of Janeways on Quarra with no idea about their true origins or about Voyager and the quest to return to Earth. What had been done to her and her crew was abhorrent and it still angered her, even though the anger was pointless. The people responsible for the plan had been caught and she had also placed warning buoys throughout the area. There was nothing else to be done about Quarra except to forget about it. The guinea pig, on the other hand...

A starship's options were limited when it came to disposing of pests. They couldn't just dump alien fauna on random planets. The humane method was to use the transporter to disperse the pests' atoms in space, but Kathryn didn't want to do that to the round red-haired guinea pig. It scooted out of its corner and finished off the rest of the leola root, its eyes shining as it watched her. Maybe she would keep it for a few days and study it. A new project was just what she needed to help her stop thinking about Quarra.

A few days turned into a week. Kathryn used up precious replicator rations for a tank she placed on the dining room table. She gave the round guinea pig old socks and replicated toys for it to play with and brought home extra leola root and vegetables from the mess hall for it to eat. The guinea pig scampered excitedly around its enclosure when she came home from her shifts and she taught it to stand on its hind legs rewarding it with bits of leola root while she talked to it.

Chakotay raised his eyebrows when he showed up for dinner and walked around the table, studying the guinea pig. She had only vaguely mentioned doing some studies on the animal, not how much she was enjoying its company. It stood on its hind legs now and chattered at Kathryn.

"Are you keeping it for a pet?"

She shrugged and offered some leola root to the animal, clicking her tongue at it. "I don't know. I hope you don't mind, but we'll have to sit on the couches to eat."

He helped her carry the dishes and food over to the living room.

"There are regulations against animals. Voyager isn't a Galaxy-class ship."

"I'm aware of that, Chakotay."

"But it could be done. You could change the regulations. You'd probably have to grant permission for other pets to be fair, though." Kathryn shrugged again and took a bite of her food, but Chakotay persisted. "There's nothing wrong with wanting a pet, Kathryn. It would be good for you. You love animals and you could use the companionship. I know you're lonely."

"I'm not lonely. Why would you even say that?"

"Because you are. You've been lonely ever since I took you from Jaffen. You were happy with him."

"Because my memories had been altered. I don't know if I would have been attracted to him if I had been myself. But you didn't take me from him, Chakotay, I chose not to be with him once I regained my memories."

"Why?"

They both held their plates on their laps, but the food had been forgotten. Chakotay waited for a response as if his life depended on it. Kathryn sighed and told him the only reason that mattered.

"You know why. Because of Voyager. I've got to get Voyager home."

Her answer seemed to hurt Chakotay. He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Voyager will always come first," he murmured.

"Always. You know that."

He set his plate on the coffee table and stood by the tank with his back to her, watching the round guinea pig chew on an old sock.

"I think you should keep it. It makes you happy. I'll look up the policies for keeping pets on a ship and bring you a report tomorrow morning. Well, thanks for dinner. Good night."

He left and Kathryn remained on the couch, plate on her lap. She'd never felt more terrible or more heartbroken. All of these years she had assumed that he understood what her priorities had to be, but he hadn't. He'd been hoping. Waiting.

The next morning he brought her a report about pets with a cheerful smile on his face. He was putting her needs first, as he always had. He would never make any demands on her, just as she would never put her own needs ahead of the ship.

Kathryn took his advice and kept the round guinea pig, naming it Annie. Chakotay had been right, she had been especially lonely since Quarra and her pet helped ease her solitude, but Annie only lived for two months.

"Old age," the Doctor told her while she stroked Annie's luxurious fur.

"We should find another pet for you. Annie was good for you," Chakotay said, but she immediately shook her head.

"I'm done with losing pets."

"But you'll be lonely."

She shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

Chakotay stared at her and then said slowly, "You can always change your mind."

She almost asked if he was referring to getting another pet or if he meant something else entirely, but it wouldn't have been fair to ask or to leave him with any hope.

"I'm not going to change my mind," she said firmly and Chakotay nodded, looking away from her eyes.

By the time the Admiral showed up with a plan to get Voyager home, Kathryn had once more resigned herself to the lonely life she'd chosen; had forced herself to focus on her duty and silenced any doubts or longings, but she was still shocked when she learned of Chakotay's and Seven's futures. There wasn't any time to dwell on her shock, however. The Admiral succeeded in getting them home and Kathryn had to endure a review panel while at the same time ensuring the safety of all of her crewmembers with problematic pasts. In her little spare time, she visited or called the family members of her fallen people.

She was the last member of Voyager's crew to be released from active duty. There would be a mandatory leave of three months and then Kathryn would return to duty as a vice admiral. It was snowing in Bloomington when she materialized on the front porch of her childhood home. She didn't know why she was so surprised by the weather. It was still winter after all. She supposed it was because she had always thought about the hot, sticky summers when she allowed herself to reminisce about home, never about the depressing winters. Bright sunshine would have been wonderful right now, not this gray and frozen dreariness.

She shivered and her teeth chattered, but she didn't go into the house. Instead, she looked around at the porch and yard, trying to note any changes. It was too dark to see clearly and Kathryn stared at the door, wondering if she should knock or just go in. Before Voyager, she wouldn't have hesitated. She would have just walked in and gone straight to the kitchen to find her mother and rummage for a snack, make herself at home. But now... would her thumbprint even still be stored in the old-fashioned door lock? She bit her lip and pressed her thumb against the scanner.

The door clicked open, the familiar sound triggering countless memories of coming home relieved to find sanctuary after a long day of playing outside, school and later on, Starfleet missions. Kathryn stepped through the door and shut it behind her, setting her bag down and rubbing her hands together for warmth as she stood in the front hall. The house was lit up, delicious smells permeated the air, and she could hear voices coming from the direction of the kitchen. Her mother and her sister no doubt, both waiting for her. She'd called her mother earlier in the day to let her know that she was finally being released.

It was overwhelming to be home and Kathryn began to shake again, although this time the cold wasn't to blame. She had never been so tired and worn out. So lonely. A sudden pounding on the stairs caught her attention and a red blur flung itself at her, knocking her to the floor. Joyous barking and frantic licks followed.

"Molly!" she gasped as she sat up and wrapped her arms around her dog. "Molly, you remember me."

"Katie!" Her mother and sister had rushed to the front door and they were followed by someone else.

"Hello, Kathryn," Chakotay said. He smiled at her anxiously. "I hope you don't mind that I'm here and that I brought Molly. She needed to be here to welcome you home. I know you said you didn't want any more pets, but we're home now and everything is different. Maybe you want to change your mind."

She couldn't get up because Molly was licking her face and wouldn't let her move. Kathryn held out her arms and Chakotay joined her on the floor, embracing her. Molly licked them both as they kissed for the first time. They were on the floor, her mother and sister were watching, her dog wouldn't stop licking them, and she was a crying mess in Chakotay's arms. It was the perfect homecoming.

The End


End file.
